Rodeo

Are you listening? Because I want to tell you about a gal I once knew called Sally Stram. Strong Arm Sally we all called her, and it fit right proper. She was the roughest, toughest gal around. She won darned near every spitting contest in the state, and won the county arm wrestling competition five years running. Why, it was said of her that she could bust any bronco that came her way, no matter the size. You listen up though, because what I have to tell you now is about how she finally met her match against a nasty old bull we use to call “Old Grey.”

Now, Old Grey was as wild as they came. That big ol’ steer hated colorful things, and he weren’t afraid to show it. He [...]

[...] plowed his way into art exhibit at the local museum, leaving nothing but broken frames and smashed Rembrandts.

Some say that bull was responsible for the great Crayola Crayon factory fire of ’37. And that fine China shop downtown? You know, the one with all the painted glass? Nothing is left there now but dust. All that didn’t scare ol’ Sally none. She was determined to show that bull a thing or two about the value of primary colors. She thought painting him up some would tame him. Ol’ Strong Arm Sally weren’t really right in the head you see.

One day Sally saw Old Grey standing in a field, far out in the country. She had a bit of rope with her, a couple of cans of paint, and a mighty fierce look on her face. Well, with one hand, she dips a paintbrush into those cans and gets some red, and a bit of blue on them. In the other hand she has a lasso. Quick as a jack rabbit she had that rope around Old Grey, and she pulled that steer in close before he knew what was going on. But he got over his surprise the moment she started applying that first coat of paint.

Gee golly what a mess! He was bucking and throwing paint just everywhere it seemed. Sally, she climbed up on top of that old bull like it was nothing. Him all buckin’ and bouncin’, and her just a painting him like he was a house. Like I said, Sally never was really right in the head. Anywho, she was just applying that second coat of paint when her grip loosened, and off she went a flyin’.

Her pants went a flyin’ too, only they went flying another way. She wasn’t deterred about losing her pants though. Why, she simply hopped back up on that bull, determined as ever to get that second coat of paint on Old Grey.

Well sir, no one ever saw the two of them again after that fateful day. Sally was a holding on as tight as she could, and Old Grey was bucking away trying to get her off. Last we seen of them both, they was headin’ off into the sunset. Or at least we think it was the sunset. Those orange underpants of hers were so darned bright, it was hard to tell which was which.

Keep this t shirt on if: You’ve seen London and you’ve seen France.

Forget about it if: You are always the butt of a joke.

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Colour: The Yellow Rose of Texas